This summer, the Sous Chef and I have our holidays all sorted. We could go anywhere in the world. Asia... South America... Where could the intrepid cycle-tourers go to sate their Wanderlust? The world is our oyster.
After much thought I decided the place to go would have to be: Scotland. More specifically: The Outer Hebrides. To me it evokes whisky galore, rugged coastlines, crofter-types, raw natural beauty, seals frolicking off the coast, whales and sea eagles. The British Isles as nature intended before we started building A-roads all over it.
He asks me whether I'm excited about our trip and to get me in the spirit of things he keeps reminding me:
-In Scotland, August is the height of Midge season. Midges are thought to outnumber humans (their protein-source of choice) by approximately 5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to one. Or thereabouts.
- Most insect repellents (except some that are illegal in the EU) do not repel these hungry wee beasties. Some might say it just helps them sniff you out.
- The abundance of midges (and to a lesser extent the ferocity of the average Scot) might explain why the Romans never conquered Scotland and instead decided to build a wall to keep them out of England (the Scots that is, the midges go where they please).
- The Outer Hebrides are very windy and the weather can be extreme. Daytime temperatures during the hottest part of the year (summer, apparently) is 16 degrees C.
- So far, we've had three mind-changes as to which tent to take because there is a somewhat real chance of our only source of shelter ending up lifting off and flying toward the North Pole. There aren't even any trees to tie it to.
-The islands are sparsely populated, so if the tent really does blow away, there'll be not a bugger around to help.
- We're not likely to stumble across any gastro-pubs or the like. The occasional village post office might be able to sell us some tinned meat of unspecified animal origin, so our cooking will probably have to be experimental/innovative.
-The rainfall is variable but you can expect rain not less than 2 out of 3 days. Did I mention we were camping?
-He's started to wistfully reminisce about how nice the south of France is this time of year. I'm not sure whether this is a hint or not. We certainly won't be needing the sunblock on this trip.
-I've sneaked a peak at the contour lines on the maps to see what sort of hills/valleys we might encounter. Uh.Oh.
So all of this enthusiasm and optimism has me fired up for our trip away. I can't wait...
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4 erudite remarks:
At least you will be in Scotland very, very close to many excellent scotchs.
My advice drink much and the little buggers will leave you alone or if they do bite, they die of alcohol poisoning immediately.
It was during the Sous Chef's last trip to Scotland that he picked up the taste for the stuff.
I like the first taste of a whisky but that's all I need. I let it sit on the tongue and the vapours waft around.
As to the midges - how do I stop them taking the first bite?
I live in Argyll and the best thing I've found for the midges is Avon's "Skin So Soft". If you let me know where you're headed I'll try and recommend some suitable hostelries...
much appreciated Macfawkes. I think we shall mostly be (wild)camping and beating off midges with whatever blunt instrument comes to hand. Handy tip about the skin so soft! thank you
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