That's It

At work, there has been a fair amount of upheaval. My line-manager left (and he was oh so right to do so, even if it does leave us in a bit of a pickle). Top management aren't replacing him just yet and I don't know how they think that will work.

I've long been unhappy here and have grumbled about leaving for almost a year now, but more recently, now that I have no line-manager, I am under the watchful eye of a different manager. This is a manager who's management style is, when a horse can't pull the cart that's become too heavy, they get the whip out and flog the horse harder.

Well I'm sick of being flogged and am nearing the dead-horse stage so I'm off. My job heads nowhere. I don't earn too badly (but could earn more) but it's not about the money. It's the attitude, my career path, the company's track record with staff and bullying (not of me, thankfully - but it could head that way) and I don't want to spend a minute longer here than I have to. I can think of no reason to stay other than that my CV is currently a bit crap, frankly.

I have always been an inert substance. It takes a lot to get me going but once I'm riled up enough...

and so this is why I'm updating my CV and handing in my notice at the end of next week. Whether I have a job to go or not. I'll waitress if I have to.

But enough about me, what about them? Well, they are going to be f*cked, frankly. The only person who could potentially have cobbled together something akin to what I do for the month-end (which will directly affect cashflow in a drastic way) has left and they're not replacing him. No one else has a clue how I do what I do or even understands how it works and December is not a long month when you factor in Christmas. Sad to say, a tiny little bit of me is actually feeling Schadenfreude.

If they're smart, they'll completely overhaul the system and beg another company who do something similar for a secondment to tide them over. Having only me with such responsibility has been foolish (and unfair on me) and needed reviewing a long time ago (as I have brought up many times in the past, unlistened to). and I'm happy to play along with any changes that'll help but frankly, I don't care enough to go above and beyond the call of duty anymore. I've done that and it's been getting me nowhere.

So tomorrow I approach the agencies. I'll temp, I'll work in a shop, I'll wait tables. I have such small overheads and some savings so I'll be fine and it might give me a boost to go for a career change and actually use my languages and/or psychology background. Whatever I end up doing, it'll be better than being repeatedly flogged for not doing the impossible.

watch this space

Tic Tac Teeth

Goodness, it's all go round here. For a start I've just had dad staying over (from Germany). He brought the most enormous amount of chocolate with him. Far more than even Landlord and I could possibly eat. In fact, I have to confess I've actually gone off chocolate a bit. I'm finding it a bit sickly and I want less of it. I know! I don't get it, either! but we've now got enough chocolate to feed an army of pre-menstrual women (now there's a formidable weapon the MOD should consider) and the thought of all that chocolate makes my stomach turn.

I'm also further along the road to having a gobful of gnashers, finally. In short, I've had the implants, the bone grafts. They've 'ossintegrated' nicely. I now have two metal screws sticking out of my gums (most appealing, as you can imagine) which show above the denture, so I look like I have spinach in my teeth, only all the time. I have to admit, this makes me a little bit self-conscious when I smile, especially when people point it out to me (being nice but ultimately embarrassing) .

These metal bits are what the final teeth screw into and can themselves be unscrewed. The prosthodontist has done this several times. He has a handy little gadget that fits onto the caps to unscrew them off the implants. It does make me feel rather like an IKEA wardrobe. The last time he did this, he asked whether I'd prefer a local anaesthetic beforehand. What with 40 jabs and counting so far, I declined. Just as well. The jabs would have hurt far more than the unscrewing of the caps actually did. Screwing them back in was a bit weird. They throbbed a bit but not actually painful.

I can see where in my gums the implants are by the location of these caps and they do look rather far forward. The implantologist had mentioned that the finished bridge will be further forward than my denture teeth and this might take some getting used to, from which point onwards, my internal voice just kept repeating: Janet Street-Porter Janet Street-Porter Janet Street-Porter Janet Street-Porter.

He said that the final teeth would also be larger (Janet Street-Porter) than what I have now, as they'll match them to my (real) canines. The new position means they'll also have a slightly different shape. They'll be wider to fill the gap (Janet Street-Porter) and be further forward (Janet Street-Porter!).

The finished teeth have enormous potential to look absolutely bloody awful, but being the brave, practical woman that I am, I immediately went home and cried to the Sous Chef about soon having buck teeth. I lamented that I was going to have a different face shape. My lips would look weird. I said I'd have difficulty speaking. He said not to worry. He said almost everyone has wonky teeth and it's not the end of the world. Having crooked or oversized or funny-angled teeth holds no one back unless they want a career in television, which I don't. Goofy-teeth are quite common.

Yes, well that's all very well. People do have wonky teeth, but the difference is I'm spending thousands of pounds and receiving rather a lot of injections, drilling, hammering, unscrewing, scraping and general dentist-related unpleasantness. I'd rather like to have something to show for it. I don't want to have gone through all this only to wish I'd stayed with the dentures. I guess that makes me vain.

Speaking of vanity, I'm also currently having whitening done. Well partly it's vanity (I'd like a set of nice white teeth) and partly it's practical. Teeth will always darken with age, tea, coffee and red wine but the bridge won't - ever. Making it to my base colour (rather than current colour) means in years to come, I can go back to base which will match the bridge rather than trying to go back to what I have now. Everyone's base colour is different. I need to find mine. However, the process takes weeks and is gradual and my dentures match my teeth as they are now. As they get paler, I'm going to have a piebald mouth with spinach in for several weeks!

Also, the bleaching agent goes to deeper and deeper levels over time. If I keep using it, eventually it'll reach the dentine. Dentine is naturally yellow and when it bleaches that, you get the brilliant, dulux white that Hollywood likes to pretend is natural (it ain't). I do not want to have tictac white teeth. If I've got to have fake teeth, I want 'em to at least look real, dammit. So somehow I've got to keep a close eye on my teeth to make sure they go white without ending up looking like these guys

(taken from an actual teeth whitening company's website. Do people really want tippex teeth?)

so with any luck, I'll have a set of pearly whites (better than the ones above) by January. hurrah!