trews news

Trouser shopping. Hands up who enjoys trouser shopping. Hmm thought as much. Well when you're the freako pearshape that I am, you hate it even more because no one makes trousers that don't make you look like you have chicken drumsticks for legs. (They are rather chicken drumsticky but I don't want trousers that advertise this fact)

But I am in need of zip-off trousers for taking with me when I cycle the length of Germany later this month.

Field and Trek and Millets were my first attempts. After trying on at least 12 pairs of women's trousers, I had worked out that I am in fact a size 12 and three quarters. Twelves were a bit snug for cycling in but the 14s seemed to be made multi-purpose with built-in parachute in the area where the fly is and the crotches hung low while the hems swung at ankle height. Who, exactly, are these trousers made for?! There is a team of short-legged big-bellied women in garment factories, adapting the patterns to what they think a normal shape is.

Having gone through the women's selection I started on the men's trousers. I seem to be a 32" on a man's trousers and these did seem to fit better (at least in leg length) but still I found my mirror image to be too awful to look at for too long. At the first few you blame the cut but after trousers number 20 you start to blame your figure and think yourself the freak. Why, it's almost enough to make me want to eat less and exercise more!*

After an hour I gave up and went back to the office. Back home, I fell into the arms of the Sous Chef and lamented to him how hard a day I had had, trying on trousers after trousers (I even tried on some shorts and a skort that had me laughing until I cried - or was it the other way around?)

He comiserated as much as he could (having just bought three pairs off the internet, all of which fit nicely, spending about 2 minutes of some simple mouse-clicking), so I went upstairs and tried on his nicest pair.

THEY FIT!

and look better than any other I had tried that day. You spend an hour trying on men and women's trousers and begin to lose the will to live. Then you try on the first pair that are sitting around at home and they are good enough you'd buy them.

so today I am heading shopwards to get meself a pair - men's zip off trews in dark grey with a bazillion pockets and zips in all manner of places.

*what, and give up cake? you must be joking. And anyway - I've been stick-thin before and I end up just being a thinner version of the same shape. I still couldn't find trousers to fit